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Ishicka
20 February 2020 @ 07:57 pm


Comment. More than likely I will add you. If you don't comment I won't add because I won't know who the fuck you are and why you want to even bother reading the bullshit I have to write. :D
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Ishicka
12 March 2014 @ 12:31 pm
A reflection of an image undesired
Somehow, my reflection is a disposition of neglected despair
I'm defining love by the egoist words of sensibility
Built with crazy glue and Popsicle sticks
A basis built upon the negative bounds of an unwarranted child
A child, based on a forced sense of responsibility and misguided love

I've to look for a simple distinction
That guides you into the light of vulnerability
Moments intertwined with substances that alter our egos
I've not seen the truth, only the steps to the realization of reality
I'm simply a sustaining moment in time, that grants your ego the pleasure of self gratitude
My uses are restricted for the preservation of your sanity
I am not a parallel universe in which you may commingle into your pasts, presents, and futures

Hers; is a continuous form of ethereal existence in the minds of damaged hearts.
 
 
Ishicka
01 December 2013 @ 06:57 am
I was planning to write this long emotionally intensive entry and then I realized, that was the last fucking thing I wanted to write right now.
 
 
Ishicka
24 July 2013 @ 03:12 am

Sometimes life takes unexpected turns...

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Current Location: Canada, Ontario, North York
 
 
Ishicka
14 July 2013 @ 07:09 pm

The sun against my skin feels comforting regardless of its intensity. I'm watching your flirtatious ways and disregard for those emotions that reside within me. I realize in this moment that my being has no place in your universe. We exist on a different plane, a memory that plays infinitely in time. That is where we exist.

I know that I had felt an emotion strong enough to compare to love. I then remember my past, before I became this fantasy. I wasn't always sexy. This idea is new to me and I'm not entirely sure when it came to be.

Since then, since I left the confines of my darker self, I have been placed once again in this box. Ethereal, magical, imaginary. I'm often thought to be a being that contradicts the rules of our paradigm. I possess no desire to be placed above the hierarchy of this paradigm. If you are thought to be unreal you will never obtain the benefits of reality.

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Ishicka
11 July 2013 @ 12:27 am

The rest of this summer is for constructing that being.

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Current Location: Canada, Ontario, North York
 
 
Ishicka
08 July 2013 @ 07:37 pm

I've decided not to allow myself to succumb to the darkness. I also can't resign myself to thinking that everything will come to me. I have to initiate it. I know why the same things keep happening, it's because I keep making the same mistakes. I know what I have to do. I don't have to say anything, I just have to move on

Sometimes, I'm surrounded by feelings of loneliness, it becomes clearer to me each day and desperation is pulled from that loneliness. I end up reacting, and I realize that I can never love until I let go of that desperation.

If I want to feel better about myself I need to detach myself from loneliness and desperation. A man will only desire a woman.

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Current Location: Canada, Ontario, North York
 
 
Ishicka
07 July 2013 @ 12:12 pm

I realized yesterday that I was fooling myself when I thought it could go somewhere. I need to detach myself of my feelings for him. What's the point in yearning for something that won't be and why should I wait around for someone to find themselves when I know that I'm ready for more than the evening meet up and sexual release. I want more substance and less sex.

I want to be treated like a lady, a lady that deserves more than just the view of your bedroom. A lady that deserves more than a break from your loneliness. I have more to offer than this...

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Ishicka
12 June 2013 @ 02:31 pm
I had a moment where time had ceased to exisit within my reality. I couldn't tell if what was happening to me was truly happening or if it was a euphoric dream that felt all too real. But the ripples and waves in love, happiness, interest, and beauty were a part of reality. I saw fragments and speckles that weren't part of our perception but a perception rarely seen unless we've opened our minds.

I was with him again. We shared an experience that hadn't occurred for me in the last three years. And I'm not talking about the chemicals. I'm talking about the energetic forces that our bodies created while comingled together. We created a light that I hadn't thought I would ever allow myself to do again due to the iron wall I've built up since moving back to Toronto three years ago. My heart had been mangled and frozen from the culmination of heartbreak and pain so much that I haven't allowed myself to place trust and complete openness in most of everyone. Somehow, this new passing stranger that I met three or four weeks ago was able to achieve something that some haven't been able to achieve in three years.

The beauty of his soul has engulfed my whole being. Time has continued to progress, the reality of our working lives have settled back in, but we shared a moment of romanticism that I had not thought existed within this space but in the space of imagination.

The sincerity and passion he holds within his eyes and voice remind me of the sincerity of humanity that I was beginning to lose hope in. How can one person remind you of everything you decided to forget?

We stared into each other's eyes whispering sweet words of love and kindness while sharing kisses that electrified our bodies. A song to sing to him, and I couldn't handle being around anyone else but him in that moment. We had to go, and be with only each other.

Our energetic forces blazed with a fiery passion as we stood in the middle of the street surrounded by the darkness of the city. He knelt down on one knee and yelled to the city that he loved this girl. That he loves her, he wants to be with her, and that he is going to marry her. A taxi driver stops by us, staring at us incredulously, and he turns to the driver and yells, "I'm going to marry this girl!" while holding my hand. I felt my heart warm, atoms melting into atoms, spreading a force I tried to pull out of my being. And, I know, it was a moment. A moment that felt right to happen. But I couldn't help but think about the sort of amazing person he is. To be able to express his feeling in one moment. To yell his passions out to a bleak city, was an inspiring moment. So, in that moment, I felt love too. I felt a sort of warm feeling that I thought I strained too much to feel again.

Love in a moment. Love in time. Somewhere, in time, that beautiful moment is happening over and over again in loops. That moment will never cease to exist. And even if time passes, and we're known to only be friends who share this great moment between us, the moment will never stop existing. The beauty of love and romanticism. A beauty I thought we only imagined.

This moment, I know, has pulled me apart, with a more sincere heart and mind, and progressed me into a new being that hopes and believes. A moment that reminds me, that love truly exists in our universe and, no matter how fleeting the moments can be, from a touch, to a few words, to years of experience, to seconds of experience. Love, it exists.
 
 
Ishicka
06 June 2013 @ 08:54 pm
At this moment all that is going around in my head, the rush of memory when you told me that I did love him.

I'm having a moment where I know that he was so bad for me, terrible, but I miss his destruction and the blind way we loved. Or, perhaps, I just miss love altogether. I miss the feeling that once in my life there was hope to look up, into someone's eyes and say, "I love you."

What is left now?

A feeling that everyone wants to fuck me and that love could no longer exist within my prospective universe. And then I wonder when I ever lost hope.


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